What no posts?

Lots of people have been writing in to ask where I have been over the past week. Well, I've been very ill. I've had the bird-flu.

It all started when I met my new girlfriend on holiday in Thailand. I was so busy freebase-ing crack that I never noticed she was actually a chicken... I just thought the beak and the wings were all part of some fucked-up trip. And then the fucking avian whore gave me bird-flu! At least the little feathery slut didn't have bird-AIDS - it is only the nasty gay chickens that have that over there.

Now I've got feathers all over my ass and they won't go away. The problem is... I kind of like it. Don't judge me.